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Hello From Iowa

May. 20th, 2006 | 05:28 pm
location: Princeton Iowa
mood: naughty naughty
music: Twinight Radio

I am posting in here today to catch up on things that I am so far behind on. I have contacted my Master but He is back to not talking to me. Which seems to be a common thing between us. On a bright note I will be able to post more often in a week or two when I finally have my own computer in my room. Work keeps me pretty busy and in a few weeks I will be working even more hours since a co-worker is leaving in June. So having a computer in my room will make it easy when I need to post or study.

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I Am Back

May. 10th, 2006 | 09:52 am
location: In The Office
mood: exhausted exhausted
music: Yahoo: Love Songs

First, I am sorry for my lengthy absence. I have moved to Iowa and am working night shift so it is hard to juggle all of my obliations. Anyway, I have arrived safely and I enjoy living here. I am making significant strides in both of my Spirituality and Slavery. I promise to write as often as I can.

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It Has Been Awhile

Apr. 6th, 2006 | 10:28 pm
location: In the office
mood: nostalgic nostalgic
music: None

I know it has been a few days since I have posted in my journal. Mainly I am getting ready to move to Iowa. I was originally scheduled for tomorrow but I have some last minute things that came up so I will be leaving the Monday after Easter which is the 17th. I have been doing alot of thinking about my Master lately and how much I miss Him. I would email Him if I could but it would probably not do any good but stir things up again. Though I still wish that I could. Some days the pain of us being apart is so great that I wonder how I will get through the day. I wonder if He has found another or if He ever thinks about me. I know that what happened was not my fault. It was not even really His fault. At the time there was just to many obstacles in our way. Including His ALPHA slave. I will keep all of you updated as much as possible.

Missing Master I am His
Portia

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Read A Story

Mar. 26th, 2006 | 12:13 am
mood: exhausted exhausted
music: None

I was reading a story that got me to think more about slavery and the dynamics. I take my position seriously, more so then most. Alot of people are into BDSM as a part time thing and that is okay for them. To me though it goes on a much larger scale. I consider myself a 24/7 slave to my Master. To me there is no time for a break. I most always ask permission to fulfill the most basic needs. That is what frightened me while I was still up there. I have always been independent and yet I wanted to give complete control to a man. To know that He had final say on everything: what I wear, eat, et cetera...really the only hard limit that I have other then death and scat is having sex with other males or children. Those are common sense in my mind. Atleast on the death and children aspect. I know there are people who practice scat but I am not into that at all. The story I was reading today dealt with needles being put through the skin. It is definitely something I would consider for my Master. There is many other things I would do for Him but not sure listing them here is appropriate. Since some would not understand.

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Thinking About My Slavery

Mar. 20th, 2006 | 12:42 am
mood: giggly giggly
music: Peter Gabriel-SledgeHammer

I have been doing alot of thinking on my slavery tonight and how it affects me. I feel that most of my resistance is due to fear on my part. So much of the emotion is from past issues. The feelings that stirs up in me. The way I get turned on by sadistic fantasies. I am totally a masochist and have always wanted to be whipped and tortured while I struggle helplessly. Yet, I fear it at the same time. Society plays a part in that. Since they teach us to deny our most basic fantasies and needs. It was only when my Master tied me to the bed and whipped me mercilessly did I hit the highest sub space and walked around 3 days in a daze. And OMG those eyes: Like Ice on Fire. I am sure that most of us have heard about eyes like that. But until you actually see them you can not imagine the beauty and fright that it can conjure up. You can not look at them and yet you would rather face Hell then to look at them either. Can anyone understand what I am feeling?

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Submissive Test Results

Mar. 16th, 2006 | 12:26 am
mood: naughty naughty
music: David Bowie-Golden Years {Dominate Radio}

The submissive one
You scored 32
Based on these results, we can see that you're submissive. You dont sacrifice your own desires for your partner, but you certainly put your partner's needs before your own, and you are relatively obedient.

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Feeling Naughty

Mar. 16th, 2006 | 12:06 am
mood: naughty naughty
music: Damnation-Everyone {Dominate Radio}

My friend just posted a entry in her journal that has made me extremely hot thinking about my Master. I am envisioning my Master having me tied to the bed as He inserts a dildo up my ass and one in my cunt. Or even fingering me with His huge fingers as I struggle against the rope. Realizing that it is fruitless to attempt to escape. He laughs an evil laugh as He watches me. He whispers in my ear that I better cum or He will rip my cunt out. I beg to be allowed to cum. He kisses me passionately as I cry out. He then leaves me bound all night to the bed.

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Blood Pressure Worries

Mar. 13th, 2006 | 06:38 pm
mood: stressed stressed
music: Music? What is that?

I went into my doctor today to get some medicines for my tooth ache and when they checked my blood pressure it was severely low. Ordinarly I would not be concerned but a month ago it was to high. So, what is one to make of this. Obviously there is a problem somewhere.

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Total Power Exchange

Mar. 12th, 2006 | 11:12 pm
mood: naughty naughty
music: None

My friend was mentioning Total Power Exchange and I was reading a story at the same time. I was in a 24/7 for a few months but sadly me and my Master had to part ways for now. Everything about me is still His though. My loyalty is very strong and I know that no one could possibly understand that devotion and love. It is so hard to live my life without Him some days. I feel though that I need to grow as a slave before we can be reunited. To what levels would I go for Him you wonder? I would do anything for that Man. He owns my very soul and I do not mean that as a pun or a wayward comment. If He wishes to choke me until I no longer existed I would go to that level. Some think that I am crazy to be that devoted. For me though that is what BDSM is all about.

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Serious For A Moment

Mar. 11th, 2006 | 05:33 pm
mood: rejuvenated rejuvenated
music: None

I realize that with all of my filthy talk. Some of you may think that I do not have a serious side to me. Nothing could be further from the truth. I like to think that I have an open mind when it comes to my sexuality. At the same time I am very Spiritual and walk the way of a Mystic Priestess. I am into such things as the New Age, Ascended Masters, Indigo Children, Geometry, Atlantis, Ancient Egypt, Past Lives and all manners of Spiritual Discoveries. So do not feel limited in what we post in my journal.

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